snap out of it snap out of it snap out of it snap out of it snap out of it snap out of it. 

don't need you to make my day; i'll make my own :) 

I feel happy oh so happy and complete <3

Today is a good day :') Thank you God!

If I were brave enough I'd run up to you and say hi, i think you're the one for me, let's hang out. 

Hope is difficult to suppress. It is absolutely frustrating. 

How do you tell yourself to give up completely when it's always still there? 

oh simple thing, where have you gone - 
i'm getting old and i need something to rely on 

I miss the easy, comfortable silence between friends; the familiarity. Here and now everything is unfamiliar, new (or at least relatively so) and while it's all good fun, it's also difficult to get used to. 

We all get caught up in the newness - we're filling up the awkward gaps (because it's new, and new relationships need wearing in, need time) with laughter, grasping for things to say so we seem interesting, so the conversation doesn't stop. It gets tiring. But the innate need to find that familiarity keeps us going. We take leaps of faith everyday with the people we talk to. We play games. We try to find people of the same frequency. We don't stop trying. 

Everyone needs the familiar. It makes us comfortable, makes us ourselves and no one else but. Relationships start stiff; like new clothes or new shoes - difficult to move in at first, but when we keep going, one day we're going to break into them. Then they will be our trusty pair of shoes. We will rely on them for everything; they will be familiar to us.

I miss the simplicity that only years of friendship can give. That takes work, and I'm working. Working to make new relationships work, working to keep the old ones simple. 

It's the first day of the year.  

Results are coming out in a week and before I know it I'll be 17. It's a weird feeling to know that so much is coming at you and so much is going to change as much as I'd like to cling on to certain things, certain people. It's going to be harder to hold on to the people that matter, but I'll be holding on in 2012, because there's nothing very much like the electric best friends you get in the four years of laughing, smiling and crying together. 

New school, new people, new everything. Excitement served with nostalgia is a strange concoction, but I know that in the center of it all is Jesus. Nothing else really matters after that. Mostly though, I hope you and us stay the same. 

Take my hand, I'll teach you to dance. I'll spin you around, won't let you fall down. Would you let me lead, you can step on my feet. Give it a try, it'll be alright. The room’s hush hush, and now’s our moment. Take it in feel it all and hold it.

Eyes on you, eyes on me. We’re doing this right.

So there is one empty room in my house now, slowly being cleared out. And no matter what we turn that room into, it is a reminder every day when I walk down the stairs that the person meant to be in that room is not here anymore. 

Things happen in life that we cannot do anything about except trust that it is in His perfect plan. Although we all will miss him in some way, I still do think good things can come out of it, like being much closer to my cousins and realizing that death is a part of life, whether we like it or not. 

It is almost over.

I imagined that I would be overjoyed, but I'm feeling none of that. Nothing, except a little relief and a whole lot of gratitude that indeed, God has seen me through. It almost seems as if the things you once thought really mattered, don't actually matter that much at all.

I don't know how I feel about how I've done. I guess the only way is forward and all I am about to occupy myself with for the next week and a half is shopping and spending time with the people that matter, before they all run away while I stay in sunny Singapore. It is exciting, to say the least, to look towards the prospect of spending days lounging in bed and going back to doing what I love the most. Dancing.

There is always this fear that one day I might stop being good at the only thing I have known to be good about myself. That, or realise that I am not as good as I would like to believe. But I am past letting all that get to me, because there will always be people better than me and that's a fact. I'm just going to have to suck it up and do it because I love it and that is the only thing (other than my faith) that has stayed constant my whole life. 

This is long and pointless, but so is this blog. Never meant for anyone to read, only meant for me to pour out my feelings like a fool when my words decide to do me justice. It seems to be doing fine tonight.

My Saturdays are never complete without my bed time movie, and tonight it is Barbie. I will never stop watching Barbie even when I'm old and wrinkley. Girls who don't watch barbie are missing out on major truths in life (err, bravery?); I refuse to debate on this matter.